My name is dilber (they/them). I am a genderqueer human being with Uyghur and Lithuanian ethnic roots. I grew up between Kyrgyzstan and Lithuania, immersed in two different cultures and religions. Today, I do not follow any religion nor do I assign myself labels of any spiritual kind.

Like all of us, I grew up in a world that had already decided who I should be. It assigned a series of roles for me to play: woman, daughter, sister, girlfriend, wife, heterosexual, biracial, Muslim, Christian, and obedient citizen. These roles, as you know, carry numerous responsibilities that have been thrust upon me and ingrained within me. They have led me away from my core and taught me to unconsciously wear a series of masks.

My life has not been free from physical and verbal violence, sexual assaults, rape, racism, an unconscious fear of homophobia, oppression from the USSR regime, or oppression and discrimination stemming from the gender assigned to me at birth. Like many of us, I've experienced a series of traumatic events in my childhood, teenage years, and adulthood. All of this, along with societal conditioning, has pushed me to live a life that was not truly mine.

Certain life events brought me to the depths of my being, shaking me so profoundly that living a life layered with these masks became untenable. Thus (And so), step by step, I embarked on a journey of healing, deconstructing myself, peeling away the layers of masks, and finding my way back to myself. This is still a journey I am currently on.

Meditation practice (integral to yoga) has been one of the precious gifts supporting me on this journey. I too used to struggle with this practice significantly, mainly due to preconceived ideas about what meditation should be and how it should be approached. The individuals from whom I learned meditation were not from the wisdom tradition (South Asian heritage), and they lacked training in teaching such practices to those impacted by traumatic events.

One of the most challenging aspects of the practice for me was sitting in stillness and silence, confronting traumatic thoughts and emotions. It felt overwhelming and even retraumatizing.

Another challenge I encountered in many so-called 'spiritual spaces' was insincerity, power dynamics, spiritual bypassing, privilege, cultural appropriation, and a lack of effort to address racism. In these practices, I also experienced oppression in the form of a high focus on individualism rather than community/collective healing and creating safe spaces for BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, neurodivergent, and people that are being disabled by our society.

There was also a lack of acknowledgement and gratitude for the source cultures from which these practices were derived. There was an absence of giving back to the source culture from which practices have been taken and monetised.

So eventually, I ceased attending practices led by others and delved into my personal practice at home. During the pandemic, when public spaces reopened, I cautiously reentered some practices led by Western practitioners. However, I found myself grappling with similar emotional turmoil. I recall situations where everything was gendered: feminine, masculine, women, men, sisters, and brothers. I remember instances in prāṇāyāma practices when phrases like 'connect with your ovaries' were used, which can be distressing for individuals struggling with fertility, cancer survivors, or those with body dysphoria. I encountered Western practitioners who had adopted Sanskrit names without understanding the implications and I pondered upon the absence of BIPOC individuals, native teachers, and acknowledgement of the source cultures in these spaces.

This led me to contemplate, research, and read about decolonising wellness spaces. I completed a few courses centred on human rights and understanding our current political landscape, such as the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and International Relations: Politics in Turbulent Times. I immersed myself in valuable material shared by exceptional individuals like Alok Aaid-Menon, Adrienne Maree Brown, Raoul Peck, and Thenmozhi Soundararajan, amongst many others. The more I learned, the clearer the picture became: wellness had been commodified and superficialized in the Western world. Wellness has also supported and continues to enable systems of oppression. Unseeing this became increasingly challenging. My desire to reshape the yoga industry, particularly in terms of decolonisation, grew more resolute.

In 2022, a friend forwarded me an article about decolonising yoga that led me to complete a 300-hour advanced yoga teacher training program by Radical Darshan focused on social justice, anti-oppression, and intersectional equity. This training, led by BIPOC and individuals from the source culture, including faculty members from the Queer community, resonated with me deeply. My heart confirmed the path. This nine-month journey “emphasized learning yoga through systemic, compassionate approaches grounded in collective healing, awareness, and freedom” (Radical Darshan)

Over this period, we explored Ethics and Philosophy; Meditation; Mudrā; Mantrā; Mindfulness; Yoga Nidrā; Rituals & Ceremony; Lunar Yin; Āyurveda and Krama. We delved into books and lectures on trauma and somatics, focusing on intergenerational and intersectional trauma, as well as trauma resulting from systems of oppression. The list of some significant books we studied can be found in the section ‘Sources of Knowledge’.

Yoga is not confined to physical āsana practice. It is not merely about love and light, individualism, or inaction.

Yoga encompasses meditation, chanting, prāṇāyāma (using the breath to work with life force energy), holding mudrā, selfless service and selfless actions (Karma Yoga), learning (Jñāna Yoga), and devotion (Bhakti Yoga) amongst many more.

In South Asia, yoga has served as a practice for collective healing and empowering independent movements against patriarchy, ableism, the caste system, and other oppressions. It prepares our bodies to engage in social justice action, building resilience and providing tools for liberation beyond self-centred needs. My freedom is intertwined with yours, and my happiness flourishes when yours does. We are interconnected, indivisible beings.

The Central focus of meditation as part of “yoga is not the soul and not the body—it is the mind. It is said that… the source of human problems are caused by the mind and these problems can only be solved by the mind. That is why the scriptures say, “Mind is the ground for both bondage and liberation.” The literal meaning of “yoga” is “union,” for all practical purposes “yoga” as defined by the great master Patanjali, refers to the attainment of mastery over the dynamic forces of the mind. Mastery begins with cultivating a peaceful and concentrated mind….When the mind is calm, harmonious, and concentrated, we gain right understanding of ourself and others. Our comprehension expands, enabling us to see the world and our place in it.” (Pandit Rajmani Tigunait).

Meditation, an integral aspect of yoga, has brought profound changes into my life. It aids in being present, centred, shedding conditioning, and embracing my true self. I wanted to share these ancient South Asian practices with you—inclusive practices, accessible as much as they could be, optional, and adaptable.

Essentially, I aimed to impart the wisdom developed by our South Asian ancestors thousands of years ago, practices that can be employed whenever needed.

Soon, I am planning to create meditation videos in sign language and provide transcriptions. Meanwhile subtitles are enabled for each video recording and during each live meditation practice. I invite you to join a 30-minute meditation, comprising various techniques: chanting, holding mudrā, prāṇāyāma, and a few minutes of stillness with a chosen anchor. These techniques help nurture a focused, concentrated and harmonious mind as well as cultivate a sense of presence during and beyond each practice.

This practice is donation-based, thus opening the space for you to make your own decisions based on your available resources, what you want, and what you can share. We all come from different backgrounds, and due to systems of oppression, we find ourselves in different places in our lives. Whatever your situation may be, any donation is welcome.

When making a donation, I encourage you to reflect on the privileges or lack of privileges you have and consider the opportunities or lack of opportunities that society, systems, policies, and structures have afforded you based on your race, gender identity, class, sexual orientation, and body. Further guidance is provided in the donation section.

In the ‘Meditation’ section, you'll find a video and additional information about the meditation practice offered: its structure, what to expect, and how to prepare.

My deepest gratitude goes to my teachers: Lama Dorje, Kallie Schut, Jonelle Lewis, and Dr. Stacie CC Graham. Also my deepest gratitude to all other great teachers who passed on their wisdom during the Radical Darshan Yoga Teacher Training: Josetta Malcolm, Sheela Bringi, Avni Trivedi, Shani Dhanda, Aisha Nash, Anjali Rao and Ratna Bhawani. Their teachings have transformed me, enabling me to share my ongoing learning journey with you.

Some wonderful people supported me in bringing this website to life:

• My friend Jen Fearnley, who created two videos about the practice we offer here

• My friend Mindaugas Arlinksas, who helped add subtitles to both videos Jen created

• My partner Macca Xinlei Lee, who took images and created a text and image guide for lying and sitting positions for meditation, and proofread all the text on this website

• My soulmate Jamie Perera, who helped clean the sound recordings for the audio guide to lying and sitting positions for meditation

• My friend Sunil Parekh, who used his coding skills to customize some parts of this website

• My sister Nargiza Nurdinova, who provided valuable feedback about the website

I also express profound gratitude to the South Asian ancestors and cultures for making their practices accessible to us all.

I recognise that I am practising a wisdom tradition that was stolen & that was colonised. This tradition does not belong to me or to us who do not come from this tradition, but it is the practice of which I am also now a guardian. Within that role, I maintain accountability to practise this knowledge with integrity and authenticity, seeking to make repairs and moving towards achieving equity in the yoga industry.

These commitments were formed by my teacher, Kallie Schut

- 300h Advanced Yoga Teacher Training with Radical Darshan

- Facilitation for Trauma and Transformation with Om Powerment Project

- Defending Dignity: Universal Declaration of Human Rights with Amnesty International

- International Relations: Politics in Turbulent Times with the University of Kent (Microcredential)

- Conscious Manifestation with Eckhart Tolle

• Restorative Yoga for Ethnic and Race-Based Stress and Trauma by Dr. Gail Parker

• Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness: Practices for Safe and Transformative Healing by David A. Treleaven and Willoughby Britton

• Ayurveda, the Science of Self-healing: A Practical Guide: Science of Self-healing by Vasant Lad

• Overcoming Trauma Through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body by David Emerson and Elizabeth Hopper

• Mindful of Race: Understanding and Transforming Habits of Harm: Transforming Racism from the Inside Out by Ruth King

• Way of Tenderness: Awakening Through Race, Sexuality, and Gender by Zenju Earthlyn Manuel

• Yoga as Resistance: Equity and Inclusion On and Off the Mat by Dr Stacie CC Graham

• Accessible Yoga: Poses and Practices for Every Body by Jivana Heyman

• How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

• Politics of Trauma: The Somatics, Healing, and Social Justice by Staci Haines

• The Trauma of Caste:
  A Dalit Feminist Meditation on Survivorship, Healing, and Abolition by Thenmozhi Soundararajan